i hope you know.

busiest ever. feeling so fulfilled in the midst of fatigue. life is so beautiful.  so messy....so hard...challenging...full of an infinite amount of ways to love...and love again and again.

 my heart could seriously burst.  it's a blur and it freaks me out and my stomach flip flops when it hits me sometimes about how quickly they grow.  it hurts. strangely. a unique personal growing pain.

afraid that i don't have enough time in a day to let them know they are (all of them) my greatest earthly "possessions."  i hope they know.

 i know i'm busy, overwhelmed at times, easily angered, under water...and for that i am so so sorry.  please forgive me!  i'm growing up right along with you.  i'm sorry for that, too.  i wish i was complete...a perfect example for you.

Growing Pains

 I am having growing pains.

I am now a mom of four.  Ages 5, 3, 20 months, and 2 weeks. 

I am homeschooling the two oldest every morning and wondering sometimes if I should have held off a few more weeks before diving head first back into regular life.

 The two oldest found a bottle of fingernail polish and painted themselves, their toys, and their bedroom carpet while I was upstairs nursing baby.  I was too upset to get a "memory picture."


Baby was crying so I put little Miss Fiona down from her high chair to go take care of him...she promptly climbed back up and tried to feed herself the rest of her cereal.

 It's amazing how growing a family will grow you.  Growing pains.  You find out how incredibly selfish you are.  I fight with myself on a daily basis to be the best mom possible and let go of who I am ALONE...and try to be who I am IN HIM


Lately it seems like more days are in need of some serious "come to Jesus" moments.  Mainly for mommy.  I want to be a good example to them of God's love.  Lord, help me! 



Children are so forgiving.  I feel blown away sometimes by how easily they come back to me, hug me, tell me they love me...after I have been so impatient with them!  Oh, to be like a child....




 Growing pains.

Memory Lane

I haven't been to one of my favorite spots since I was pregnant with Isaac.  That was 5 years ago!   It's amazing how becoming a mother will change your priorities.  We took motorcycles and a Polaris Ranger down into the Kansas pasture by the fresh springs.  It's been dry here but the springs still made the location look like we had left the country. 

 Watching the kids play in the spring reminded me of when we were dating.  Coming down here to play, talk, catch little critters, laugh, lay in the grass and talk. 

 Those trees....

It was a much needed walk down memory lane.  We need to do it more often.

feeding the littles

i want to be a really really good momma dear.  one with amazing patience, endless cuddly kisses.  letting the littles climb all over me and make BIG messes...and lots of them.   laughing and giggling...tickling and talking the whole time.  answering every one of those questions.  O Boy!   i am so far away from being the perfect momma dear.  i am so afraid.  afraid I'm going to lose these precious days to my tired, selfish, pregnant/breastfeeding body/mind.  I want my heart to cuddle up with him when he calls me back to his room after he has been tucked in twice.   Calling me back for that one last childhood mom "encore!"  Oh how I should feel like an energetic rock star momma dear..."yes, my little love...lets have another cuddle for us!!"    i hear this won't happen forever....    i want it to never end...but OH! i am so tired...in need of a quiet selfish evening.  but if I am honestly honest...I guess I don't really need to keep feeding "me"...because when I feed them....i am being fed. 

Together in Love

Today my heart feels an incredible urgency to take my babies in my arms and live in the moment...from here on out.  I get so wrapped up in myself and what is next on the agenda...I forget the importance of being together in love.

 

Soak up the simplicity.  Let the roar of "busy" go somewhere else. Calm down.

Remember who we are and why we are here.  That needs to be a habit.

The Housewife as Martyr

A good read:

The Housewife as Martyr

I complain about cleaning.

"The conditions in which the poorest of the poor lived in Calcutta at that time, and still live today, are unimaginable.  The air in the city was so polluted that if you went out onto the street in the morning in a clean shirt to buy the Calcutta Herald Tribune, you returned with your sleeves and collar all dirty.  The heat, the humidity, the dust and the dirt stirred up by the passing cars were indescribable.  It was especially abd when there was no wind. Then the many, many burning garbage heaps produced smoke that hung over Calcutta as in a bell jar.
Cleaning was therefore part of the Sisters' daily life.  They cleaned not only their own house, but also the houses of the poorest of the poor when they went to visit them.  They cleaned ceaselessly.  When they came home after a "cleaning project", the first thing they had to do was wash their own saris.  All this dirt made it quite clear that cleaning can also be seen as the work of the Holy Spirit.  Why?  Because it preserves life.  In a city like Calcutta, life dies if you do not keep cleaning.  Life becomes sick and ugly - and dies.
Cleaning is life-sustaining.  And everything that sustains life comes from the Holy Spirit.  So by cleaning we encounter the Holy Spirit in our everyday lives!

Taken from the book:  Mother Teresa of Calcutta by Leo Maasburg